


Life According to Puckzilla

by fictionalcandie



Category: Glee
Genre: Eavesdropping, M/M, Minor Violence, Misunderstandings, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-15
Updated: 2010-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:58:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalcandie/pseuds/fictionalcandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck doesn't doubt the way things are... until he starts.</p><p>
  <em>Or: The one where Puck thinks he's discovered that Quinn and Kurt secretly have sex, and it upsets him. Because of reasons.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life According to Puckzilla

There are some things which Puck counts on to be true, even with him and his buddies and the three hottest Cheerios joining Homo Explosion last year and, of all wonders, being _good_. Some things just don’t change, no matter what.

Puck is a stud. And a badass. And a badass stud.

Puck will _not_ be a Lima Loser, even if he has to become an assassin for a government agency so secret not even the President’s ever heard of it, just to get out.

Puck will always love his daughter.

And finally, Kurt Hummel is the gayest gay dude to ever gay his pretty gay face and hot gay ass through William McKinley High School’s super unfabulous halls.

 _But_.

 _That_ was all _yesterday_. Today, Puck isn’t sure of even that much.

Oh, he still loves Beth, and he’s still getting out even if it means becoming an internationally wanted criminal. But Puck is apparently not a stud, or a badass, or a badass stud, and Kurt Hummel. Well.

Kurt Hummel is fucking Quinn Fabray.

Puck has absolutely no idea how it could be _possible_ , much less a _fact_ , but it is. He’d seen it with his own eyes!

Okay, so he hadn’t actually _seen_ it. He’d heard them, though, and he _had_ seen them with each other, all disgustingly cuddly, afterwards, when he’d gone back down to Kurt’s basement, intending to say goodnight.

Puck wishes he could believe that he’s imagining things, because— Well, _why_ isn’t important. He can’t, though, not even when he sees Kurt at school the next day and, yep, dude’s still as queer as queer can be. Because Puck _knows_ what sex sounds like, and he _knows_ who was in that room when he heard it, and he’s really fucking good at math so he knows how to put two and two together and get four.

So, yeah, Puck may have awesome powers of denial — it’s totally Quinn he’s upset about being taken, _totally_ — but they’re not working on this.

Puck wants to punch someone.

—

Puck can’t be pleasant around Kurt and Quinn — especially not _together_ — not knowing what he does, knowing how they’re fooling everyone. He doesn’t share any classes with either of them, fortunately (well, he’s “in” Quinn’s math class, but Mr R hadn’t made Puck do anything more than show up for tests ever since that day in his freshman year when he’d humiliated the guy), so he doesn’t have to deal with _that_. There’s Glee, though, and he can’t avoid them at _all_ in the tiny choir room.

He gives Kurt a cold stare when the smaller boy greets him with a smile, and he ignores Quinn completely. Kurt’s smile switches into mildly hurt confusion, and Puck wants to punch something even more.

This is so unfair.

“Dude,” mutters Matt, as Puck scowls one of the new kids out of the seat in the corner. Mike says, “You’re awfully grumpy today. What’s your problem?”

Puck glares at them. “You don’t want me to answer that.”

By the time Glee is over, almost everyone is avoiding looking at Puck at all, and most are evening that out by throwing bemused glances at Kurt and Quinn, who just look confused.

“Are you okay, man?” Finn asks him, on the way out of Glee, and Puck can’t even _speak_ to answer him, because right in front of them Quinn’s just linked arms with Kurt and is leading him toward the girls’ bathroom.

They’re both grinning, leaning close and whispering about something that’s making Kurt giggle. Puck stops, actually _growling_ , and he has to punch the nearest locker before he sinks really, really low and hits a girl — the fucking, Kurt-stealing _bitch_.

“ _Jesus_ ,” somebody behind him whispers, shocked.

Puck turns, to find over half the Glee Club in the hallway, staring at him in horrified fascination. “ _What_?” he snarls.

Most of them, including Finn, flinch away, like they’ve just realized that not only is Puck an annoying asshole, but he’s also pretty fucking _scary_.

“You just broke somebody’s locker,” Artie points out, after a moment of mass silence.

Puck glances over. There’s a large dent in the door of the locker he’d punched; it has actually popped open and is swinging listlessly. Huh. Puck’s hand kind of hurts. He flexes his fingers, mentally wincing at the resulting sharp twinge.

“So?” he growls.

“Puck, you’ve been acting strange all practice,” Mr Schuester says, stepping forward cautiously, his face folded in worried lines. “Are you okay?”

“I’m _fine_.”

Like Puck is going to tell any of these morons what they’re too stupid to figure out on their own. Besides, why would any of _them_ care that Kurt’s been prancing around like a perfectly available fairy, _enticing_ people, when in reality he’s tapping the only ex that Puck had ever thought he really cared about? As if they’d care.

No, it’s only _Puck’s_ world-view that’s been fucked beyond reason. It’s only Puck who’s lost something he never had.

He growls again.

“Puck,” says Finn really helplessly, sharing a look with Matt and Mike.

Puck wonders, pointlessly, what he must look like, that they’re all staring at him like _that_.

“Guys,” says Quinn’s voice from down the hall. “What’s— Oh my god. Puck? What’s going on?”

“This might be a stupid question, but who murdered the locker, and what did it do to deserve death?” adds Kurt’s unmistakable snarky voice.

They’ve come out of the bathroom. Together.

Puck’s nostrils flare and his jaw clenches.

Mr Schuester takes another step forward, one hand half-rising in a calming gesture. “Puck, chill out, okay?” he says slowly.

“I _am_ chill,” spits Puck, even though, yeah, he’s clearly not.

“Your hand’s not looking so good,” Mr Schuester says next, still in that infuriating voice like he’s talking to a rabid dog. “I think you should let somebody take you to the hospital.”

Puck’s opening his mouth to say okay, sure, fine, let’s do that — fuck, his hand really is starting to hurt like a son of a bitch — when Kurt pipes up, “Quinn and I can do it.”

Puck spins to glare at them.

“ _Fuck_ you and Quinn,” he yells, watching their mouths fall open and their faces pale as everyone else is gasping and exclaiming in surprise.

Kurt’s lower lip trembles faintly, just for a second.

Before he really knows what he’s doing, Puck spins on his heels again, pushing through everyone, and then he’s running. Out of the building, off school grounds, down the block — he’s not really sure where he’s going or what he’s going to do when he gets there.

Everything is wrong.

He has to get away.

—

A while later — Puck honestly has no idea how long he’s been wandering around Lima on foot; thank God he hadn’t driven himself to school that morning — he finds himself at the end of the Hummel-Hudson drive, staring up at the house, wondering if he should knock, or just get the hell off their street before someone calls the cops on him for being a creepy skulking creepster.

He eventually decides, fuck it, he’s going to ring the bell.

The door opens before the sound even fades.

“Get in here,” says a frowning, clearly worried Kurt, looking like he’s been pacing his own front hall for a while. Possibly just about as long as Puck’s been standing outside the house.

Puck stares.

“ _Now_ ,” Kurt orders. When that still doesn’t get Puck to move, he glances over his shoulder at a hovering Finn, who Puck hadn’t even noticed. “A little help?”

Finn moves closer and tugged at Puck’s shoulder, at the same time Kurt latches onto both front edges of Puck’s unbuttoned flannel shirt. Still staring, Puck lets himself be pulled inside.

“Where have you _been_?” Kurt demands, a little shrilly.

“I have to talk to you,” Puck replies, shrugging Finn’s hand off his shoulder but not trying to get away from Kurt’s grip.

“Does his hand look swollen to you?” Kurt is asking Finn, like Puck hadn’t spoken. “I think his hand looks swollen.”

“Dude, I’m pretty sure he _broke_ something,” Finn replies, frowning.

“Maybe we should get him to the ER?”

Puck grunts, interrupting the conversation they’re having _about_ him like he can’t even hear them. “You should _listen_ to me,” he insists, stepping closer to Kurt. “I _gotta_ talk to you, okay?”

“I think he’s gone a bit crazy,” mutters Finn anxiously.

Kurts hands go from clutching Puck’s shirt to pressing comfortingly flat against Puck’s chest. “Okay, you can talk to me, that’s fine. But first I think you should let us take care of your hand, okay?” He smiles at Puck, like he’s some kind of tantrum-throwing kid — then glances at Finn to say, “He’s been weird since you had him over yesterday. Did something happen?”

“I’m right fucking _here_ , you know,” grumbles Puck, cutting off Finn’s reply. “I’m not fucking sick, or whatever you’re thinking. I _can_ talk.”

Kurt turns back to him, his eyes starting to narrow. “Yeah? Well. You left last night without saying goodbye to me. You haven’t done that in months, even when I _am_ having a movie night with one of my girls.”

“Oh, ‘movie night,’ that’s what we’re calling it now?” Puck seethes. He tries to ball his hands into fists and ends up wincing visibly. Shit.

“Dude, what’s _wrong_ with you, seriously?” exclaims Finn, trying to step between the other boys and being held back by both of them.

“Puck, what—”

“ _I know_ ,” Puck accuses, leaning in close.

“Know _what_?” Finn says, raising his voice. “What’re you talking about?”

“Your stepbro’s fucking Quinn,” spits Puck.

Finn and Kurt take simultaneous steps away from him. “ _What_?” says Kurt, incredulous, while Finn scrunches his forehead up and asks, “You mean… having _sex_?”

“Of course that’s what I mean!”

Kurt looks equal parts disbelieving and disgusted. “What are you even talking about?”

“When Finn sent me to the kitchen for snacks last night. I heard you,” Puck explains, feeling shocked and stricken all over again just remembering. “During your ‘movie’.”

Kurt blinks. Then he starts laughing.

The lost look on Finn’s face would match how Puck feels exactly, except it totally lacks any of the sheer homicidal rage he’s feeling.

So not only is Kurt not actually a complete homo who’s hiding it like some kind of sneaky straight, but knowing that Puck knows what he’s been hiding, he thinks it’s _funny_? Fuck _that_.

Scowling, Puck turns to leave. He’s not gonna stay where people just want to laugh at him. He’ll go somewhere and— and punch something else. Not like he really wants to talk to Kurt anymore, anyway.

A gentle hand on his arm stops him.

“Puck,” Kurt whispers, not unkindly. “Quinn and I have never done _anything_ the least bit sexual. It _was_ a movie. We were watching _When Harry Met Sally_.”

“But— I heard—”

“It’s a scene from the movie. Meg Ryan shows Billy Crystal she can fake an orgasm.” Kurt laughs again, more of a giggle this time. “In the middle of a restaurant, actually. It’s hilarious. The film’s classic chick flick.”

Puck lets himself be turned around. He searches Kurt’s face for any sign he’s being played. “So, you really didn’t — You’ve never —”

“I’m a _virgin_ ,” Kurt stresses, smiling self-consciously and blushing.

“… I don’t need to be here for this do I?” asks Finn uncomfortably. It sounds like he’s already backing away.

“Get lost, Hudson,” Puck orders, still staring at Kurt.

“Was that what the angry bear routine was about today?” Kurt looks amused as he asks the question. “You thought I was ‘stealing your girl’?”

“I thought you were fucking someone,” Puck corrects quietly.

Kurt’s smile slips off his face slowly. “… You broke your hand punching a locker because you thought I was sleeping with a girl? Is my gay that important to you?”

It’s obviously supposed to be teasing. It doesn’t come off that way.

“No,” says Puck resolutely. “Because I thought you were dating someone who wasn’t me.”

Kurt’s eyes widen.

“ _You’re_ that important.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you just told me that you liked me,” Kurt breathes, his blush getting darker and spreading across more of his skin.

Puck cocks a smirk at him, stepping back in close. “That _is_ what I just told you, Kurt.”

Kurt swallows.

“This is the part where I’d normally kiss you,” adds Puck, “but my hand kinda hurts at the moment.”

“I’ll— I can drive you?” offers Kurt, looking pleased and a little dazed. “To your house? So your mom can— Or just to the hospital?”

Puck smiles happily. With his good hand, he reaches out and threads his fingers through the hair at the back of Kurt’s head, because he can. Kurt isn’t fucking Quinn, he’s not fucking _anyone_ , he’s _never_ fucked anyone, and he really is still a perfectly available fairy — except he _isn’t_ available, because Puck confessed his lo— _like_ for Kurt, and Kurt didn’t say ‘no’ or that Puck couldn’t kiss him, which means he doesn’t hate Puck or Puck’s liking him. And if he doesn’t hate Puck’s liking him, then he’s totally Puck’s, even if he doesn’t know it yet. It’s just a matter of time.

Not much time at all, if the way Kurt’s smiling shyly up at Puck is anything to go by.

“Awesome,” Puck says, and rests their foreheads together. Just for a second, then Kurt’s going to drive him to the hospital, where they’ll fix him up and give him some drugs to make his hand stop hurting.

After that, now that he’s not rocking the denial, they can get to the making out.

Puck’s looking forward to that. He’s even gonna add it to his list.

Puck is a badass, Puck is getting out of Lima (maybe, hopefully, not alone), Puck loves Beth, and Kurt Hummel is super gay — and totally Puck’s and they’re going to kiss a _lot_ from now on and it’s going to _rock_.

Because Puck is a stud.

**Author's Note:**

> This work can also be read [on Dreamwidth](http://gailsauce.dreamwidth.org/71678.html?style=site) or [on LiveJournal](http://gailsauce.livejournal.com/72012.html).


End file.
